Out of control

God is convinced he is going to teach me how to live out of control. It is a wonder he hasn't given up on me! I want so much to be able to let the rest of my life fade away and simply live out of control moment by moment as He directs. My flesh, on the other hand, gets tired of being a "christian". It just wants to live out of control too, but you know what I mean... I need rest in Christ. I am always trying to figure everything out for myself. Just when I thought my life was starting to smooth out, I am thrown for another loop, hence God reminding me that I am not in control. I am so thankful that He is, even though that is not something I can feel. It is funny how my life might look the same to the people around me, but so many things in my mind are changing. I don't want to look the same anymore. I want God's glory, however he wants to bring it, to show on my face. I want to be changed. How do you give up all that you have to live for him? I'm ready to know.